Hallelujah !

The ordeal is over ! Finally !

This is the time of the year when I start getting the chills with the impending annual medical checkup, thinking of the reports and the endless numbers of HDL, LDL and all such mumbo-jumbo.

So thankfully after all the pricking, probing , prodding it is finally over. The doctors have thoroughly gone through all the reports and have all agreed in unison that my heart will continue to beat all my life.

So now starts the cycle of temptation, greed, guilt and redemption - for another year. Again the chocolate mousse will beckon, again the fries will tempt. It is an endless cycle like the dog trying to catch its own tail. After some futile tries it also realizes that it is only going round in circles and gives up the effort.

There was a time when medical opinion was disbursed only by those who had the degree under their belt. Today in this age of e-everything, at the click of a button in seconds we have pages and pages of advice, paid and unpaid , of every topic under the sun.

And there is research. Such is this endless research that it throws up new ideas and new theories on an almost daily basis, which threaten to bring to a nought all previous truths that we believed were true.

Some years back I remember having had read in the papers that drinking water is beneficial to health as it flushes out all impurities from the system. Armed with the fountain of this new knowledge I started guzzling down the elixir of life in quantities which would have made a thirsty elephant jealous. Till I choked on another newspaper of another day which warned that too much water to drink would make your kidneys overwork and it can cause damage to the vital organs. So I decided in favour of my kidneys for the time being…..

HDL has been long considered to be the good cholesterol and is enemy number one to LDL, the bad guy. So eat up all things and exercise like a frenzied aerobic robot till your HDL hits the roof. This was the theory known for years but recently there are new findings (lot of internet pages devoted to that too) that it may actually be only a red herring. So we are now wondering which of these fellas we need to watch !

With such conflicting theories floating around and corrupting our innocent minds , the best way to live is “Born Free, Living Free, Forever Free….. Don’t Worry Be Happy…. Hallelujah !”

Nonexistential Existence

My existence is at a threat. No, I am not being pessimistic to suggest anything sinister about my journey on the face of Mother Earth. I am talking about my existence on the records of Government of India.

“Stand up to be counted !” is what I had heard long ago from wise people. Well I did stand and did that several times: I stood under the unrelenting sun beating down on my head on an April afternoon or braved the rains of July or maybe queued up on a cold January morning, wishing that it was far better to stay indoors and savour a cup of hot tea. But every time I did stand to get counted the end result seems to be sinisterly the same.

Many many years ago I remembered having joined the serpentine queues to get the necessary paper work and get photographed to get the coveted Voter Indentity Card, being issued by the government. Having completed all my formalities I triumphantly came home , assured that soon I will have the coveted document which will ensure that only I can exercise my fundamental right against my name.

Well the government folks (I do not think in those days the exercise was franchised – though I may be wrong) did not like my ugly mugshot at all and therefore decided not to make a card with that ugly face. So they put my neighbour’s photo with my name, hoping at least now I will get the hint.

Well after lodging the complaint my only card that I ever received was taken back, never to come back again. Being of the nomadic variety and never much having believed in the permanency of permanent addresses, maybe the rightful claimant of the correct card could not be contacted by the governmental machinery.

After this on two other occasions at two different states did I try the same but could never get the coveted card in my hands.

Some months ago I laboriously filled up the form and queued up for getting my Aadhar Card. Things definitely looked more organized this time and they gave me an appointment with an efficiency and sincerity akin to the office of a top surgeon,  to come and get myself photographed on a preset data and time. Dressed in my best and having had the closest shave ever (pun not intended)  I went to the center only to find myself confronted with a notice scribbled on a sheet of paper that the center had decided to close down and move to happier locales. No one seems to be knowing when and where they will come back. The website is devoted to self praise and nothing much beyond.

Recently I came across an advertisement in the newspapers that there is another scheme ongoing called RDC (or some such mumbo jumbo) which everyone must partake of , Adhar or no Adhar ! Once bitten, twice shy they say- in my case it is many times bitten hence I decided to give it a miss.

I am convinced that the governmental machinery has a bee under its bonnet when it comes to me and it is best that the twain never meet.

The only exception when the governmental super-computers go berserk and literally start a adrenalin crazed tarantula war dance is when my puny little PAN number flashes on any transaction – it is that time when they work very efficiently.

The reason is simple:  it is payback time !