Shame is too small a word

The last few weeks of 2012 have been a nightmare. Almost on a daily basis , we wake up to sordid news of rape and mindless violence against innocent women and get too numbed to react. The protests at Delhi and in other parts of the country have made the government jittery, not knowing what to do next. And as if to fill up the time in a circus, we have half-brained mentally unstable people rambling off sentences without understanding the meaning of what they say only to mumble apologies later when it is too late. The fact that they are part of the political system and are still so hare-brained and our claim to be a civilized society make us wonder whether the end of the world is really near.

Today morning the worst which was being expected has happened. Far away in Singapore, the hapless victim, Nirbhaya, after fighting a losing battle with grit, finally decided to take leave of this sordid shameless callous world. The drama to follow can be written down to the last syllable. Our political class will rave and rant about changing the system but will actually do nothing, our Prime Minister (of whose eruditeness I have the greatest respect) will read out a prepared statement without any display of emotion or elocution, media will try to get apologies from political leaders without being successful in doing so, etc etc.

And then there will be a trial and some Human Rights Associations will start fighting against death penalty. (I do not know where are they now….).

Is this the system that we want ?

I was trying to find synonyms of the word Shame in the dictionary. Unfortunately there cannot be apt words to describe the shame we are passing through.

Let’s pray for the departed soul and the well-being and justice of thousand such hapless women who have been victims of rape and harassment due to the ineffective political and administrative will of the government and its police.

Let’s pray for a better tomorrow……..

Shame is too small a word…………

Tryst with History

I have just returned from a magical tour of the mystery of history that dates back to more than five centuries. Here are some glimpses caught on my lens:

The majestic Humayun’s tomb:

The iconic Red Fort:

The majestic Buland Darwaja- it doesn’t get bigger than this:

Mesmerizing Sikri:

The magnificent Agra Fort:

And the ultimate poetry in marble:

What is in a Name ?

The Western world has been naming hurricanes and tornadoes and typhoons for several years now. Perhaps , typical of their confident disposition, they wanted to make sure everything in their land, animate and inanimate alike, had an identity. I do not know by what basis the name is selected and whether the degree of impending disaster waiting to strike has any link with the name.

The Indian government, like a copycat , have also started to do this of late. So for a Sandy or a Billy or a Katrina, we have our share of Neelams etc. While I am sure that there is a process as laborious as any other officialese behind choosing these names and there is a huge practical justification for doing this , I have wondered what makes us name them after so commonplace names like Sandy, Billy or Neelam for that matter.

At least in India , courtesy our epics and other tales of epic proportion, we should not be short on imagination in selection of these names, which symbolize devastation. We have so many Rakshas (demons) in our mythology and since almost all of these cyclones , hurricane etc cause widespread damage and suffering to the people, we should choose from this interesting repository.

It would like comparing the havoc caused by Hidimba cyclone to the devastation created by Ghatokacha tornado. Remembering would be easy as well as interesting too.

Maybe it would be more apt then instead of trying to attach a sense of demonification to every unfortunate human named Mala or Nargis or Neelam who happened to be in the vicinity of the landfall and get caught in bind of a different kind.

Analog Blues

Sometime back Pritish Nandy had written an article “The Pleasure of being a Bore”. I do not know whether I will qualify for that title holistically, but at least on one count I do – that is being impervious to a large extent to the inroads of the idiot box in daily life. There have been days on end when the television in our house has not been switched on or maybe just for ten minutes of news and thirty minutes of cartoon for the kid, and none of us have felt any bit lesser or heavier at the end of the day. And I do not watch cricket anymore !

Now that the four cities are agog with the digitization of TV transmission and the impending ban of the almost banal analog waves that were floating in the air like smog on a winter morning in Mumbai, and every square inch of print space available for advertising being devoted to the benefits of digitization of the air waves, even a potential bore like me could not resist to sit up and take notice.

A few months back also there was such a deadline but it was extended , maybe to accommodate guys like me. But this time looks like the noose is going to be tightened real hard.

So like a zombie rising from the dust with the sudden revelation that life is worth living again, I decided to get into the game of SD, HD, 1080i, 720p and other such mumbo-jumbo which will make your brain give up due to overwork in a short time. With a little help from semi-informed salesmen at the shop and some help from the omnipresent Google, I decided to finally say good bye to my old idiot box which was sitting at the corner of my living room like an over-aged toad, too tired to croak but too lethargic to move.

Now having brought the horse home , we need to worry about the food , so to speak. With the cablewallah promising darkness from November irrespective of the thousand diyas of Diwali, decision needs to be taken of the kind of airwaves that I need to welcome into my home.

It takes one click of the mouse or one phone call today to get the information at your finger tips , both solicited and unsolicited variety. So in a day we hope to have a plethora of channels which if I just flick one every second after waking up, the sun would start setting by the time I finish. And all in total clarity….

It is another matter that my anathema of the idiot box is not because of the hazy analog signals which were making me wonder if cataract has visited earlier than usual, but because I find very few programs which are worth watching.

So now it will be ten minutes of news where I can see every wart and mole on the guy's face when he vehemently denies his involvement in the scam and thirty minutes of Tom and Jerry in HD.

Maybe it is time there is a scheme where unviewed TV viewing hours can be traded like timeshare holidays ? Some enterprising guy in our country should think of this !

Puja Moods

The most popular festival of Bengalis, the Durga Puja concluded a few days back. While the people of Bengal or with roots in the Eastern part of the country scattered all over the world are still in the hangover of the festivities just being over, it is apt to bring forward some images of the festivities captured in Mumbai.

And now , as like in every other year, the wait starts for one more year for Mother to come back with her entourage to share her blessings for one and all..........

Where have all the good men gone ?

With apologies to the one and only Pete Seeger…..

Where have all the good men gone ?

Long time passing

Where have all the honest men gone ?

Long time passing

Where have all the gullible voters gone ?

Coming our way

When will they ever learn ?

When will they ever learn ?

Coalgate- Keep Smiling

The other day my child asked me after watching TV what Colgate was. I was a taken aback for a while as I did not know whether she wanted to know the meaning of Colgate or Coalgate. When she clarified that she had heard it in an advertisement I was albeit relieved that she had chosen the right kind of word at least at her age , for the time being.

With the way we are progressing as a nation, very soon we should have a subject of General Knowledge on Scams in the school syllabi as that seems to be the most happening thing in the country. Not a single day passes without our coming to know of a new kind of scam somewhere in the country, via newspaper or other media.

The country is on the brink of an economic disaster as it is and now with the monsoon playing truant , any hopes of a recovery also seems that much tougher. And then we have our political leaders who do not have any administrative will and the parliament sessions are reduced to bouts of shouting and sometimes freestyle wrestling arenas. Looks like we sent the wrong kind of team to the Olympics, our hopes of winning more medals in boxing and wrestling have been dashed as we did not pick our MPs in the contingent as they are showing quite a prowess these days.

The media unearthed a group of Karnataka MLAs running off on a world tour of eight countries on tax payers’ money, for a so-called educational trip. The trip was sanctioned by the Speaker as per norms. What education they are gaining with an agenda that spans from visit to a fur factory in Scotland to the pyramids of Egypt is anyone’s guess. The party bosses of course are happy to sanction such trips as most times it is a question of you-scratch-my-back-I-scratch-yours. The drought affected people of Karnataka are of course waiting for their MLAs to return from their junket suitably educated enough to help them.

Till then , we have Coalgate- keep smiling !

King Lie- that is BEST !

Trust any governmental agency to turn anything into a scam these days and you will not be disappointed.

After all the hullabaloo about the inferior quality of Chinese King Long buses used by the BEST, now we understand that those buses were not Chinese after all and were manufactured by a company in India only with brand name CERITA. Every time a bus used to break down (which these buses did with regularity) the Chinese origin was blamed as if “Made in India” is synonymous to “Made in Japan” or some such thing. The uncanny similarity of the two logos cannot be coincidental.

Something is fishy definitely as all along (including in BEST website) these buses have been officially referred as King Longs. If these were not of the Chinese origin why in the first place were they ever referred as King Longs, I wonder.

The officials of BEST are as usual suffering from short term memory loss which is quite common these days. An enquiry will be in place and a committee instituted to investigate. It will take donkeys’ years to submit a report by the time the episode will be forgotten as new scams would have taken its place.

BEST has right now spun a yarn- maybe it can be said it is a King Lie on the King Long !

Thoda Khao Thoda Pheko

One of my favourite Hindi films of all time will definitely be “Jaane bhi do yaro”. I have watched it many times over in entirety and also sometimes in parts on telly, but I am not writing this to talk about the film.

I remember a dialog in the film when a piece of cake is thrown out of the window and the actor says “Thoda khao thoda pheko ! Mazaa aya ? “ ( Loosely translated: Eat some throw some- it is fun !)

The recent statement of an UP politician where he advises his bureaucracy that they are allowed to indulge in little corruption as long as they work reminds me of this dialog in the film. What a state of affairs in this country !

While Coalgate dominates media coverage and we see the mystery of the two Sahay-s. Who is in our sahay (as in help )- only the Almighty knows perhaps, or even he has given up on this country.

We have one politician indicted for murder and another for inciting communal violence. The parliament is the only office in the country where you can be present for 7 days out of 88days and still not get kicked out of the job.

The general knowledge section of every bookshop and library must now have a dedicated section for scam news as it dominates most of the news that is made in this country.

Yet they govern this country- God give us a break !!!

Mad as a Hatter

Why do we say what we say ? There are certain expressions that creep into every language which with time people use almost on an everyday basis, but if we stop and ponder we are left to wonder why we say that in the first place.

It is monsoon time and though this year we are not having the monsoon as strong as we need it, there are some days when it really pours. We have a term for that: Raining cats and dogs. What does it signify ? That the clouds are actually throwing our feline friends and man’s best friend from the skies ? Or that these poor creatures have to run for cover too as have their human benefactors ?

It does not get over so easily by a long chalk, we sometimes say. As I remember from my school days and people engaged in education would also endorse, the chalk is generally about three and a half inches long and gets shorter by the minute smearing the fingers of the writer with regularity. I have never seen a longer chalk. So where from did the British (presume they invented this in their language ) get it ?

Sometimes we are pleased as a punch. Never really understood whether the pleasure comes from receiving the punch (as in stationery used to make holes in sheets of paper) or delivering the punch (as in boxing).

Some we try to do new things for the first time and those who are experts in that field feel we have not cut the mustard. Well mustard is used in Indian cooking and is also there in British culinary delights of having a salad dressing for savouring the fish, but have you ever seen anyone cut a piece of mustard ? It would surely be a sight.

Well there are many, and now that I am wasting time trying to understand them, it may tempt people to think I am mad as a hatter !!! So better sign off before the same….

Waterways for Maximum City

Almost everyone who lives in Mumbai knows about the traffic hardships faced by the commuters on a daily basis. The city population has grown manifold and is continuously growing (and no I do not subscribe to the idea of restricting influx like some of our politicians have been asked for a I feel that is against one of the very fundamental freedom every Indian has to chose and work in whichever place they feel deem fit).

The situation is further made complex in Mumbai by the longitudinal shape of the city and therefore the polarized traffic movement at most times. Although there are some projects being undertaken like the metro and the monorail and some more on the anvil like the express corridor on the harbor rail link and the sea link across Uran, it somehow feels that this won’t be enough. Also we have to take into account the speed (or the lack of it) with which these projects will progress and considering same it is going to be a cat and mouse game between the infrastructure and the needs.

What a city like Mumbai needs to harness quickly is its water-ways and I am not talking about the bridges across the ocean which are there, and more which are being planned. I am of the opinion that we should harness the potential of using the sea and try to connect the various land points by high speed boats capable of carrying many in speedy comfort. We are reading in the newspapers of projects being planned on these lines but by the time they get the clearances, it may well be another decade !

Some years back there was an endeavour to connect Navi Mumbai with South Mumbai by catamaran but the service got shelved in a short while. Really speaking lot of places along the eastern and western fringes can be connected and apart from the occasional inclement weather, can run almost round the year. Many cities of the world have such concepts with water buses and water taxis and there is no reason why we should use the shoreline gifted by nature to do the same. It will definitely not say goodbye to crowded trains and traffic jams, but will help in de-congest.

And we should undertake projects like these quickly under PPP model with a BOO concept with a political will that has been sadly lacking for some time ! And time government started clearing infrastructural projects in a hurry !

Designed for Humans

The recent happenings in India as well as elsewhere are depressing.

Over the last few days, we saw near-riot situation in Mumbai and then targeting of people of North Eastern origin which forced them to head home from cities and towns that they chose to live in and call their home. A few weeks before that, we witnessed the horrendous killing of innocent people in a Gurudwara in USA in a racial hate crime.

It is difficult for any police force to check on activities of each and every person in this world. We would then need a most of the people living on this planet to be police personnel itself.
These crimes of racial hatred deserve the worst punishment and in quick time too.

Somehow these things are forgotten as new news take over. This is how life has been always. Time we stood up united to ensure that innocent people are needlessly not targeted just because of their origins, race, community, colour etc.

It is time we reinforced that this planet is Designed for Humans (to steal a catch-line from a recent advertisement).

Between a Question Mark and a Full Stop

What comes between a question mark and a full stop ?

Well our life begins with a question mark. As a baby and then a toddler and then a school going child, life was vibrant of question marks. Why is grass green ? Why does the cow moo ? Why do I have to study ? Why girls are different from boys ? The life and being revolves around questions and getting them answered. The childhood and adolescence pass quickly in getting these questions answered by self or with help.

Then comes the adult-hood that all children aspire for  once the innocence and fun,  that all adults later pine for, passes through. Along with it come responsibilities and adjustments and a state of constant negotiations. This is when we have several commas, semicolons , colons, dashes et al. Perhaps a comma will do when a semicolon can’t and a dash would suffice if the comma gives up. This state of being keeps us so engaged and engrossed that we forget the question marks.

Why does the dewdrops on the leaf after an early morning rain look so beautiful ? Hey, doesn’t matter , have got to rush to work before the morning traffic becomes unmanageable and another shower comes by…

Why do we say the rainbow has VIBGYOR and not ROYGBIV ? Why do the ants toil relentlessly to transport that morsel of sugar on the kitchen floor and never get tired ? Why does the child laugh at almost nothing so heartily while all I can do is snigger ?

Well , no time to answer these question marks , as I have the commas and semicolons to deal with…

Never can ignore the apostrophes – those suspicious stuff where something is unsaid and yet meant ? Those are the real devils which compels me to put some more commas.

These wily commas and the guily semicolons and the devilish dashes and the creepy apostrophes take out the steam out of us, the air out of our lungs and push us to the final punctuation : the full stop.

And we wish we had some more question marks answered and paused to ask a few more….

Why do we need Air India ?

We have a national bird, a national animal , a national game etc as we all have learnt in our school days. And we have a national airline. The Maharaja flies with pride – that is except the days the pilots are on strike or the pursers are on a mass casual leave or the ground staff is on pen-down agitation or when the maintenance staff have decided on mass sick leave. Except those three hundred odd days in a year, it roams the skies, albeit late.

The government is keen to keep it alive and kicking like many other government run institutions and there is a misplaced sense of national pride in this. And public money goes to feed these institutions. Whenever we have any discussion on privatization we are given statistics of the routes which the private run airlines will never run (read North East) or why we need a national carrier for air-lifting our citizens in times of crisis like war etc. Of course it also is required to be there for our ministers to travel.

I am not suggesting that it should not be there just because it is run by the government. I am questioning the prudence of its existence just because of its ownership and not by virtue of its performance.

Let’s look around a bit. I am yet to meet a German (and have met many of them so far) who is not proud of Lufthansa, the German national airline. However the airline is not owned by the government. It is completely private, an epitome of efficiency in most cases than not and is also mandated to rescue hapless Germans during a war or some such crisis. Yet it remains a private institution which carries more national pride in the heart of Germans than Air India does for Indians. National pride cannot be demanded by virtue of the ownership, it has to be earned by performance.

Right now, by virtue of its performance, the Maharaja, like many other institutions run by our government is terminally ill and running on public largesse. We are proud of some of our Navratnas , not because of their ownership , but because of their performance.

Ultimately at the end of the day, whether it is the government or government run companies, it is performance that counts. Everyone in India understands and acknowledges that. Except the government that is !

The Great Indian Tamasha

The papers are jostling for space with news of the two successive days of blackout in the electrical grid. As if the first days collapse of the Northern Grid was not enough , there was a subsequent one this time taking the Eastern grid also with it too as it sank. Millions of hapless people suffered, some in trains, sub-ways, hospitals etc. As if by stroke of destiny the beaming Power Minister was handed over a bigger portfolio of Home. The collapse would have happened irrespective of the portfolio rejig, but the timing could not have been more apt. Some journalist tried to elicit a regret from the minister but was not very successful.

A day before there was a major train accident where so many lives were lost due to the ill maintenance by railways. The Railway Minister tried to find out a strange bomb-like sound to indicate a possible sabotage. Anyway it is said that he does not find time to visit Rail Bhavan anyway as his powerful boss keeps him occupied in his home state for party work. He also showed no real concern and it is evident that such disasters can only be prevented from reoccurring only by the act of providence- our government as such cooks the complete recipe for the disaster to recur almost every day.

The Home Minister is meanwhile getting ready to step back into his shoes as Finance Minister, trying to portray a calm over the economic climate that is totally misplaced. We are in an economic abyss and collectively the government has no clue what to do to pull the country back from impending disaster.

The Opposition collectively shouts hoarse as if the panacea to all problems is in them changing sides in the House, although the country has also witnessed where the country goes when the baton changes hands.

In another state , lot of brouhaha is created over the condemnable desecration of a statue which should not have been built with public money in the first place.

The new President settles into his new home and sinks into the plush seats of the new Mercedes.

The common man wonders what the tamasha is all about: very soon all these people will come back with folded hands asking for that one vote that matters so much. The writing is on the wall for the voters: Damned if you do (vote), damned if you don’t (vote). This is the Great Indian Tamasha- a never-ending play where actors change with time but the act enacted do not. 

Higgs Boson and Eveready !

A few days back the whole world woke up to a great news : the discovery of the God particle or the Higgs Boson. It was yet another giant leap for mankind in the scientific space. Discoveries and inventions like these make the earlier discoveries and inventions seem dwarfed, no doubt on that.

My scientifically challenged mind does not have the fathom to comprehend the vastness of its implications and I salute the great scientists who make all these possible. Having said that, I have one small desire from the scientists. Sometime in their spare time, maybe in the small time that they have between brushing their teeth in the morning and sipping their morning cuppa, they should bring out one small invention which will benefit simple people living in the towns and villages in times of need.

No I am not gunning for a thing which will zap all of us , bring us out of our dreams and turn the world into a better living place- the great scientists are anyway toiling at that. I am talking of the humble flashlight or torchlight or whatever name you call it in whatever language you so desire.

Well I have seen all types: from the big sturdy ones which need five batteries and weigh a kilogram to the small ones that fit in your pouch or your palm powered by almost unseen button-cells. I have seen and used all types and makes manufactured in all countries from the legendary Japan or Germany to the ubiquitous Chinese or the Indian ones. All of them have one thing in common. Apart from that being a bulb (or a LED for that matter), they also have the unique feature of not working when you need them most.

I remember having one which was so sturdy and dependable that you could really depend on it for dear life. Except when on that stormy night when the lights go out , that is. That is the time when our dear friend decides to have a siesta.

Or the puny sized one , placed on a key chain , enabling you to open the door in the dark- it works as a demo, works as a showpiece but is actually scared of the dark.

I am yet to see one which is “eveready” in the true sense of the word…..

Football Mania !

The football fever of the Euro Cup is over. Over almost a month the most competitive teams all over Europe clashed on the football field to establish supremacy on the continent, albeit on the field.

In India of course there is a miniscule population which is swayed by the trance of this magic simple game, favouring for the more complex cricket. It is really odd that the game which enthralls millions all over the world fails to attract the attention of the Indian masses. I often wonder whether it has to do with the pathetic situation of the national football team or is this something more deep-rooted.

This year’s championship had its usual share of fun and upsets. Spain was clearly the favourites from the start; however, many were rooting for a Spain – Germany clash in Kiev. But as we all saw, in the semis a hurricane called Balotelli did them in. Last Sunday Spain finished their campaign in style, with a margin of four, literally hanging the Italy squad out to dry ! One of my Spanish friends have written to me recently that the nation has become so excited with the win that they have momentarily forgotten their economic troubles !

Coming from that miniscule portion of Indians who is also entranced by football, notwithstanding the fact that our national team is nothing to talk about, I tried my best to follow the matches, with whatever next day’s routine would allow, what with the time difference and matches starting at midnight.

And then I wait for World Cup !

Every time I watch international football on television, I cannot wonder why the football coaches, be it the national team or the clubs, are fully attired in Monday office gear on the sidelines. Strategists that they are with all due regards to them, I cannot understand why they have to sit in the dug-out in a suit and a tie and occasionally breaking off into a jig when their team scores one too many. It is indeed a bit funny, however like many things in the universe, it is beyond me to understand.

Horn OK Please !

The roads in Mumbai are divided. It is also true for all major cities in India. The divide is very sharp and contrasted between the haves and have-nots. I am not talking about the hordes of beggars and unfortunate shelter-less people and the ones driving by in their cushy limousines.

I am referring to the two broad categories that are unleashed on the roads of this maximum city almost every day: the ones who honk and the ones who don’t.

When man started the process of invention of the automobile or the earlier horse drawn carriage to be precise, the horn preceded the engine ! So there was this horse drawn carriage in mid seventeenth century with a loud bugle to warn off the pedestrians that the carriage is on its way. Many many years later, and after experimenting with thousand of variations we have today what is called as the electric motor horn.

In countries like India , with the roads ever congested, sometimes it is like you can drive perhaps with a cranky engine but you cannot take the vehicle out if the horn is not in perfect order. You do not know when you need it next !

On the roads we have a category of drivers who think that honking loudly and repeatedly will give them instant way and all the traffic jams will be a thing of the past. So when you have scores of cars lined up in front of you trying to navigate through the roads like a thousand footed centipede and you cannot afford to step on the accelerator, what do you do ? Honk of course !!

Then there is the other variety who thinks that once you have honked the responsibility of saving his or her life rests with the pedestrian and it is immediate right of way for them.

The third variety is those who can see the counter at the signal counting down to zero to turn from red to green but feel that honking a few times may actually speed up the laboriously slow method of down counting to zero.

Some use the horns for everything- whether it is for reversing the car or to signal to the friend or relative vigorously waving goodbye on the sidewalk or to just say hello to your friend who is in the next lane in the traffic snarl- just to give company on a boring day…

It is not for nothing that we have graffiti on trucks – Horn OK Please ! Time as a nation we patented this phrase as it amply sums up what we do on the roads.

Hallelujah !

The ordeal is over ! Finally !

This is the time of the year when I start getting the chills with the impending annual medical checkup, thinking of the reports and the endless numbers of HDL, LDL and all such mumbo-jumbo.

So thankfully after all the pricking, probing , prodding it is finally over. The doctors have thoroughly gone through all the reports and have all agreed in unison that my heart will continue to beat all my life.

So now starts the cycle of temptation, greed, guilt and redemption - for another year. Again the chocolate mousse will beckon, again the fries will tempt. It is an endless cycle like the dog trying to catch its own tail. After some futile tries it also realizes that it is only going round in circles and gives up the effort.

There was a time when medical opinion was disbursed only by those who had the degree under their belt. Today in this age of e-everything, at the click of a button in seconds we have pages and pages of advice, paid and unpaid , of every topic under the sun.

And there is research. Such is this endless research that it throws up new ideas and new theories on an almost daily basis, which threaten to bring to a nought all previous truths that we believed were true.

Some years back I remember having had read in the papers that drinking water is beneficial to health as it flushes out all impurities from the system. Armed with the fountain of this new knowledge I started guzzling down the elixir of life in quantities which would have made a thirsty elephant jealous. Till I choked on another newspaper of another day which warned that too much water to drink would make your kidneys overwork and it can cause damage to the vital organs. So I decided in favour of my kidneys for the time being…..

HDL has been long considered to be the good cholesterol and is enemy number one to LDL, the bad guy. So eat up all things and exercise like a frenzied aerobic robot till your HDL hits the roof. This was the theory known for years but recently there are new findings (lot of internet pages devoted to that too) that it may actually be only a red herring. So we are now wondering which of these fellas we need to watch !

With such conflicting theories floating around and corrupting our innocent minds , the best way to live is “Born Free, Living Free, Forever Free….. Don’t Worry Be Happy…. Hallelujah !”

Nonexistential Existence

My existence is at a threat. No, I am not being pessimistic to suggest anything sinister about my journey on the face of Mother Earth. I am talking about my existence on the records of Government of India.

“Stand up to be counted !” is what I had heard long ago from wise people. Well I did stand and did that several times: I stood under the unrelenting sun beating down on my head on an April afternoon or braved the rains of July or maybe queued up on a cold January morning, wishing that it was far better to stay indoors and savour a cup of hot tea. But every time I did stand to get counted the end result seems to be sinisterly the same.

Many many years ago I remembered having joined the serpentine queues to get the necessary paper work and get photographed to get the coveted Voter Indentity Card, being issued by the government. Having completed all my formalities I triumphantly came home , assured that soon I will have the coveted document which will ensure that only I can exercise my fundamental right against my name.

Well the government folks (I do not think in those days the exercise was franchised – though I may be wrong) did not like my ugly mugshot at all and therefore decided not to make a card with that ugly face. So they put my neighbour’s photo with my name, hoping at least now I will get the hint.

Well after lodging the complaint my only card that I ever received was taken back, never to come back again. Being of the nomadic variety and never much having believed in the permanency of permanent addresses, maybe the rightful claimant of the correct card could not be contacted by the governmental machinery.

After this on two other occasions at two different states did I try the same but could never get the coveted card in my hands.

Some months ago I laboriously filled up the form and queued up for getting my Aadhar Card. Things definitely looked more organized this time and they gave me an appointment with an efficiency and sincerity akin to the office of a top surgeon,  to come and get myself photographed on a preset data and time. Dressed in my best and having had the closest shave ever (pun not intended)  I went to the center only to find myself confronted with a notice scribbled on a sheet of paper that the center had decided to close down and move to happier locales. No one seems to be knowing when and where they will come back. The website is devoted to self praise and nothing much beyond.

Recently I came across an advertisement in the newspapers that there is another scheme ongoing called RDC (or some such mumbo jumbo) which everyone must partake of , Adhar or no Adhar ! Once bitten, twice shy they say- in my case it is many times bitten hence I decided to give it a miss.

I am convinced that the governmental machinery has a bee under its bonnet when it comes to me and it is best that the twain never meet.

The only exception when the governmental super-computers go berserk and literally start a adrenalin crazed tarantula war dance is when my puny little PAN number flashes on any transaction – it is that time when they work very efficiently.

The reason is simple:  it is payback time !

The Great Leveller

Last week I had the rare opportunity of visiting the memorial which once was the abode of Thomas Jefferson, the third president of United States, during the course of a business trip. The quaint little house is atop a small hill and had been named Monticello by him (Little Mountain in Italian), in reference to his love for Italian art, food culture and the influence created on him thus.

Like all other memorials in all countries, there was a nice interesting guided tour to take us years (in this case centuries) back to re-live the old world charm. We could almost see the person living in being , pouring over his books (history tells us he was an erudite and his phenomenal book collection stands testimony to the fact), or writing the Declaration of Independence.

It was a perfect evening with the golden sun lending its rays to add to the old world charm as we visited his family grave.

Like all tourists, during the trip I sauntered into the memoirs shop with the intention of picking up some souvenir to mark the visit to this nice place. The shop was really well stocked with various items, from the mundane coffee mugs with the picture of the site painted on it to miniature versions of the iconic Declaration of Independence. With surprising regularity I picked up each item to keep it down when the dream of carrying back of a piece of American history with me ended with the words “Made in China” inscribed boldly at the bottom or back of each artifact or souvenir. I just could not come to terms with this omnipresent Chinese invasion also perpetrating the heritage sites. Although this is not a unique experience for me and I have found the same in other places be it in India or across the world including Europe, what surprised me that in other places perhaps it was possible to spot something which was made elsewhere. Whereas it was a true taking over of the marketplace so to say…

We have to give it to those to whom it is due. It is not easy to capture the world with these small inconsequential tidbits and flood the market on both sides of the Atlantic with products made in one country and virtually force the others out of the marketplace !

Having never had the occasion to visit China yet, I am not sure what sells as souvenirs at the shops near the Great Wall. It would be really a great nice surprise to find a memento there inscribed Made in India or Vietnam or Costa Rica ! But as of now from the Statue of Liberty to the Machu Pichu to the Eiffel Tower to the Taj Mahal, when it comes to carrying back a small piece of history with you, you will invariably land up carrying back a bit of China with you.

It seems to be the ultimate leveller !

Of Maximals and Minimals

Traffic rules exist and always there are quite a few who would think that they are there to be broken. This is a sad fact of life in countries like India. Recently the authorities are trying to do their best to ensure some sense of discipline and avoid unnecessary accidents on stretches in Mumbai and suburbs and also the expressways- down to the level of parading the accident –damaged vehicles to inculcate some sense in the public.

Having said that and giving the authorities due credit for the effort they are taking to instill discipline in this nation of unruly motorists, I cannot help but point out to what I recently spotted as a signage just before the start point of the -Pune expressway, which also has seen its share of peril in recent times.

Serious as the subject is, I could not but smile at the choice of words. What exactly is this minimum fine upto business ? Is it that one part of the bureaucracy wanted a minimum number while the other part screamed for a finiteness to the whole subject ?

Or is it that that originality of the idea to have a technically infinite fine clashed with the impending elections round the corner and the fear of “fined” electorate threatening to boot the government out to infinite space resulted in this maximalism ?

Or is it that some learned post doctoral fellow in mathematics in this country has decided to help the bureaucracy in providing up-to-date statistical data on fine collections via a complex software which can make ISRO seem like child’s play ? Maybe it is the government’s idea of starting to bring more and more people under the educational umbrella by quizzing the hapless motorist after he commits the mistake on the median, mode and standard deviation of the fine collection the past one month and the reprieve being proportional to the marks secured in this impromptu viva.

Being mathematically challenged, I decided to drive on….

Place a bet !

We all have the habit of taking bets , sometimes on trivial issues or just to have some fun. A playful bet, among friends is normal and is part of pure fun, albeit at the expense of the person who loses and has to pay up. So many of us have in the past placed bets on the outcome of cricket matches etc and have either coughed up and paid or have shared the spoils of the wager, be it a treat or whatever such inconsequential.

One of my lasting friendship with one of my Australian colleagues began as a bet , many many winters ago, on the outcome of India playing Australia in Test series, when both of us were working in cricket-less continental Europe, with only internet feed to give us updates. (With the current form of India, I do not want to delve into the details as to who had won that time, many may not believe it !).Such episodes are common-place and do not worth a mention at all.

However what has always intrigued me is the weakness of some to gamble and wither away all, throwing caution to the winds. Whether we have to go back to the mythological game of dice or newspaper reports about families having their life spoilt due to the reckless gambling or the 24x7 slot machines of Vegas, I have always wondered how anyone can get such a kick when the theory of probability stares at you hard and winks at you more than you think it should or would.

However some years back I did have the chance meeting with such an inveterate fan of the theory of probability and was really amazed. We were having a chat at a club with some of my colleagues and over harmless banter we were introduced to this rather smart looking person, who as he was introduced, lives to gamble. The fact that he was still a member of that famed club, had a good job with a reputed company and was not in rags, was proof enough that he won a few more than he lost.

He mesmerized us with his stories of winning some and losing a few over the next hour. He summed up that without at least one wager a day, he cannot even digest his supper. When we asked whether the pack of cards was his constant companion he surprised us more by stating that he can gamble on anything, with or without tools. On further explanation he gave a short demo which I will never forget. He asked if anyone of us had a five hundred rupee note. This being quite some years ago when the 500 was not so much in circulation , one of our friends confirmed that he had one in his wallet. The man of the moment immediately placed a bet which none of us had any courage to accept. His bet was simple: he placed a 1:1 bet on whether the last digit of the rupee note was even or odd.

Since none of us chicken hearted could match up with him the bet was never placed, but he demonstrated to our extreme amazement what an inveterate gambler can be.

Kodachrome

The strains of the beautiful song of the Simon-Garfunkel duo echo in my ears : “Mama don’t take my Kodachrome away…” as they crooned in harmony in Central Park many summers back.  

The business world is agog with the latest one that bites the dust “Kodak files for bankruptcy”- the papers screamed. Perhaps the writing was on the wall for past few years anyway. But as the obituary of the great iconic organisation is written and discussed, one can’t help but feel sorry for the fall of one of the greatest path-breakers in history of photography.

The tennis great Bjorn Borg had once said that both in life as well in a game of tennis the key lies in getting the right breaks at the right time. True as it is , one can perhaps extend it a wee bit by saying that not only is the time of the break important but also is to get on to the right wave at the right time.

George Eastman, the prolific founder and Kodak, had many firsts to their credit. The irony remains that although they started the digital wave they failed to recognize the full potential of it and lost its way at some point. The phenomenon is not entirely new and we have seen organisations having a head-start lose in the race in failing to catch on to the very innovations that they create.

Organizations are created by visionaries and steered by stalwarts and in business it is always a matter of survival of the fittest, so logically if Kodak could not get it right, they lost the way.  However one cannot help feel a tad of melancholy as the iconic Kodak film and Eastmancolor touched and influenced so many of us in our formative years that we cannot forget so easily.

Simon & Garfunkel had it right when they sang:

Kodachrome, they give us those nice bright colours
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, oh yeah
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away…….